Staring
by misinmyname
Summary: The beginning of the Kurosaki Family, or: the first time Ichigo met Kazui.


When Kazui was born, all that Ichigo could do was stare.

He had known that he was having a son, that Orihime was giving him a child. Even more, she was giving him a family. He understood in his head that his life would change, that he would love the boy as much as he loved his wife. Even so, while Orihime was pregnant, Ichigo had trouble connecting to it all. He loved the unborn bump because Orihime did and he loved seeing her grow with it, not because he loved the child. He knew that being pregnant was difficult for Orihime, but he felt like she had always been meant to be a mother. So kind, so gentle, so loving. Something about seeing her carry a child was perfect, and only made him love her more.

She tried to make him understand what their son would mean to them. Reading a book and absentmindedly resting a hand on her belly, she had seen him staring and invited him to feel his little kicks. Little was a lie, he was his father's son, but through Orihime's skin the impact was smaller.

"He'll love us both," she told him, her confidence and excitement palpable in her eyes and the air between them. He laid his hand on top of hers and kissed her quickly, hoping it would hide his trepidation. She saw right through him of course, but did him the kindness of pretending otherwise.

She told him that he would be a wonderful father, and he guessed that he believed her. He didn't think he would be bad, but he had nowhere near her confidence. They were still young, in their mid 20's. He didn't feel like enough of an adult to have a child, but here she was giving him one. The faith she had in him was mind-blowing.

In the late days of the pregnancy, Ichigo began to wonder if it was really worth it. He still didn't feel much for the bump, and all he could really see were the inconveniences that stacked up on Orihime. She was constantly sore, her body stressed from the extra life she carried with here. She joked that she could use their son as a portable table, and laughed at herself as she waddled around the bakery, taking inventory on a notepad balanced of her belly. He could barely crack a smile, even given how ridiculous she looked. He had brought this on her and, even as she played off all of the bothers, he couldn't help but feel bad for what was to come.

He was a doctor, he knew the theory of childbirth. He knew that she would go through it mostly alone.

He was with her the whole time, doing what he could. He held her hand when she squeezed so hard it hurt, he rubbed her back when, naked and in pain, she crawled on all fours and retreated into herself. He supported her when she felt the need to stand, and helped her down when finally standing was no longer an option. For once, she didn't pretend not to be in pain, and instead trusted him with all of it. She took what strength she could get from him, and he gave everything he could, even as he knew this wasn't something he could save her from. He had never felt so useless.

At the end, he found himself completely captivated by her. He saw her transcend the pain, and found an incredible strength from inside herself. Ichigo didn't even see his son being born, he was so focused on Orihime and wondering at everything about her.

Ichigo would forever remember the way that she collapsed against him, but bounced back almost immediately with her arms outstretched for her son. Yuzu gave him over, wrinkly and wet and bawling and so utterly, incredibly perfect. Babe in her arms, Orihime sagged back into him again and clutched Kazui to her breast, gentle but desperate to feel him against her. Looking down over Orihime's shoulder, Ichigo saw the little scrunched-up face and fingers smaller than noodles that reached and curled into fists and spread again towards his mother's face. He stared at the boy, his son, unable to move or look away or even think. He held on tightly to Orihime's shoulders, as if he would be rocked off the earth if he let go.

Orihime gave a small sob, tears falling from her eyes, and welcomed their son into the world. "Hello, little Kazui-chan," she breathed, her voice high-pitched and shaky. "I am so very glad to meet you." He wailed in response, his tiny, squinty eyes not moving very much as he kept waving his fists. Orihime laughed, in joy and in relief. "I love you too, Kazui-chan." She looked up at her husband. "And so does your father."

And all the while, all Ichigo could do was stare. Being rocked off the edge of the earth was right, he thought, as he felt something immeasurable bubble up inside his chest. He thought he might just burst from the weight of it. He reveled in the intensity of this new feeling, the power it had over him even as he had no words to describe it. Perhaps he just finally understood some of what Orihime had been feeling for their son.

Even now, some years later as Kazui was finally getting his bearings in the world around him, experiencing life as he should, Ichigo sometimes just finds himself staring at his son, unable to believe that he is real or that Orihime truly brought him into the world. They had come together and created another person, and sometimes all that Ichigo can do is stare in wonder at his family.


End file.
